It’s been a while. I admit that I’ve been too flabbergasted to put pixel to page lately. But the events of the past couple of weeks have been pinging around in this little pea brain of mine, and since male pattern baldness has a low R value (damn you, DHT!!!), words were bound to come out at some point.
So today is the first day of the death of a presidency. While the end date on the headstone is still unknown, it’s as if this administration was rolled into hospice this afternoon.
Former (for less than a month) national security adviser and all-around disgrace to the military Michael Flynn sent a letter today to the Senate and House Intelligence Committees, along with the FBI, proposing that he testify in exchange for immunity. When you are given immunity, that means that you’ve probably committed a crime. But don’t take my word for it:
I’d like to brag about predicting this – I had Flynn as the first to flip the day he resigned after a long (24 days) and storied (I’m sure there are PLENTY of stories…) tenure as the FUCKING NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER because of his ties to fucking RUSSIA. I’d like to, but I can’t, because it was too fucking easy of a call. I’m sure someone in the Orange Shitgibbon’s transition team asked him if they should vet Flynn. I have absolutely no doubt that this is an actual transcript of that exchange:
Lackey: Mr. President-Elect, should we go ahead and vet Michael Flynn?
Orange Shitgibbon: Vet? why does Mike need to see a vet? Does he have rabies?
Lackey: Very well then, sir. More fries?
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve found myself binge watching “Today at the White House with Baghdad Bob”, aka the White House daily briefing. I have to say, Sean Spicer is really starting to nail his Melissa McCarthy impression. Every once in a while, I start to feel bad for the guy. Then I remember: fuck him.
So today is the day the morphine drip started for this stupid fucking illegitimate money- laundering Russia-loving insecure nepotistic piece of shit presidency. It’s the exact same feeling that you’re going to have when you hear that Charles Manson has been hospitalized for stage four lung cancer… and then you’ll realize that he was never PRESIDENT OF THE FUCKING UNITED STATES.
The end is going to be bumpy as hell. There could be hearings that go on forever, slowly circling in on Trump like a turd that just doesn’t want to find its way down the toilet until the very end. Or, as some people are predicting, Trump steps in front of a microphone some day soon and announces that he’s resigning because being away from lil Barron has really taken a toll on the kid.
Former Republican National Committee chair Michael Steele (“the black guy” who Republicans chose because, you know, we elected a Kenyan Muslim dude) is telling clients to start developing relationships with Pence, because Trump isn’t going to finish his term.
And then there’s this, late today, on a fantastic Twitter feed by the patriotic hacker The Jester:
So… yeah. And then we get Pence. Just when I was starting to have fun with this. Fuck.